What makes two parents hide from their only child the fact that she has a step sister? What makes all the relatives deny the fact that a child was born and hide the secret away as it was some dirty laundry not ever to be looked at again?
Those parents were my grandparents. That only child is my mother. My mum, after 53 years as a single child and after my grandmother passed away found out she had a sister. I still remember my amazement when my father told me. I was sitting by the desk in our Milan flat and I started laughing, asking how on earth that happened. Some crazy biotechnology? And I remember thinking how cool it was! My mum was shocked, stunned and after a little bit - angry. There is and has been renewed grief - for having lost the possibility to have a real relationship with a sister, grief because there was no way we could ask my grandparents all the "why's".
All her life she had been a single child and wishing she wasn't always alone (excluding my father, brother and me of course) while the rest of my grandparent's family lived in the North. They all knew; aunts, uncles and cousins. In the end it was one of her cousins gathering the courage to call her and drop the bomb, after having known about it only for about 6 months.
My 'new' Auntie is 8 years older than my mum and she has been living in Denmark almost all her life. What happened way back in the mid- 1940s is quite vague but apparently Auntie's mum wasn't good enough to marry my grandfather, according to my great grandparents. We are not sure about the facts because my grandfather never said anything and Auntie's mum never wanted to talk about it. The ones who remain still deny everything and accuse people of "digging up old dirt"...
My mum met her for the first time a couple of years ago, shortly after the big news had arrived. Auntie had known about my mum for years and had been waiting for that moment a very long time. My mum, on the other hand, was still suffering the initial shock I think... They got on very well and found the family resemblance in old photos. I haven't yet met her but for our wedding she and her husband sent us a beautiful present! I have three 'new' cousins too, they are older than me and all have kids. One day I'd love to meet them all.
But how can you make up for all those years lost? It's impossible. We know she is family now but it doesn't feel like it, yet at least.
I wonder what my grandmother thought about it. Why she didn't say anything those 18 years after my grandfather had passed away? There are no answers, only a lot of questions. We think she kept her silence because she herself had family secrets to hide. And probably in fear of revealing anything she stopped talking little by little as she felt the dementia settling in...
In the few papers and documents that remained after my grandmother we found a postcard in badly written Norwegian. A postcard signed - 'Your son'...
Now, who wants to tell me about their family secrets?
Those parents were my grandparents. That only child is my mother. My mum, after 53 years as a single child and after my grandmother passed away found out she had a sister. I still remember my amazement when my father told me. I was sitting by the desk in our Milan flat and I started laughing, asking how on earth that happened. Some crazy biotechnology? And I remember thinking how cool it was! My mum was shocked, stunned and after a little bit - angry. There is and has been renewed grief - for having lost the possibility to have a real relationship with a sister, grief because there was no way we could ask my grandparents all the "why's".
All her life she had been a single child and wishing she wasn't always alone (excluding my father, brother and me of course) while the rest of my grandparent's family lived in the North. They all knew; aunts, uncles and cousins. In the end it was one of her cousins gathering the courage to call her and drop the bomb, after having known about it only for about 6 months.
My 'new' Auntie is 8 years older than my mum and she has been living in Denmark almost all her life. What happened way back in the mid- 1940s is quite vague but apparently Auntie's mum wasn't good enough to marry my grandfather, according to my great grandparents. We are not sure about the facts because my grandfather never said anything and Auntie's mum never wanted to talk about it. The ones who remain still deny everything and accuse people of "digging up old dirt"...
My mum met her for the first time a couple of years ago, shortly after the big news had arrived. Auntie had known about my mum for years and had been waiting for that moment a very long time. My mum, on the other hand, was still suffering the initial shock I think... They got on very well and found the family resemblance in old photos. I haven't yet met her but for our wedding she and her husband sent us a beautiful present! I have three 'new' cousins too, they are older than me and all have kids. One day I'd love to meet them all.
But how can you make up for all those years lost? It's impossible. We know she is family now but it doesn't feel like it, yet at least.
I wonder what my grandmother thought about it. Why she didn't say anything those 18 years after my grandfather had passed away? There are no answers, only a lot of questions. We think she kept her silence because she herself had family secrets to hide. And probably in fear of revealing anything she stopped talking little by little as she felt the dementia settling in...
In the few papers and documents that remained after my grandmother we found a postcard in badly written Norwegian. A postcard signed - 'Your son'...
Now, who wants to tell me about their family secrets?
